Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Something old, Something new, Something borrowed and Something blue


They say when you are getting married that you should incorporate something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue in your wedding ensemble.  I thought about that old saying after I decided to spice this outfit up with pops of blue accessories.  I also got to thinking of the significance of that saying and just marriage in general.  I was previously married for 8 years to my junior high boyfriend.  We were together for 14 years and had 2 fabulous kids and then we had one of the most ridiculously (and unnecessary) nasty divorces.  It's actually quite shameful but anyway, considering this old saying and the idea of marriage and weddings, the ever pressing question of remarriage entered my brain.  I'm often asked whether or not I would consider remarrying and people automatically assume that I wouldn't, considering the aforementioned ridiculous divorce, and the fact that I'm enjoying being single (maybe a little too much).  But the truth of the matter is, I'm absolutely looking forward to getting remarried and squeezing out another brat or 2... but when I'm good and ready!  I'm very much a commitment, stability kinda girl (hence the decade and half long relationship starting at the tender age of 13) with a dose of fun and crazy! But with all that said, I do love being in my own space right now and not having the responsibility of commitment and compromise...yes, it's a little selfish but again, I had all that responsibility for far too long, too early, with the wrong person and a sister is enjoying the time to be myself, to do what I want, come and go as I please, paint the walls whatever color I like, and all that good stuff.   It’s not just about being uncommitted that I’m loving, it’s the autonomy and the discretion,  learning and perfecting myself and seeing how I was built to endure, sustain and accomplish individually... knowing my worth and what I bring to the table. I’m not wilding out or acting crazy, I’m just taking care of me and only me for the first time in my adult life and I kinda deserve it and I'm having a ball doing it.  Will I be willing to give that up to sacrifice, compromise and agree with the best partner in the world…in a heartbeat! It’s always better to have a teammate…but it’s always detrimental when you have to carry someone or when you come to the table not whole.  I really believe that until I’m at the best that I can be, which requires some time with myself and some single chick experiences (yaaayy), that God is gonna hold on to the best partner for me.  And when that time comes, and I really don’t know when or where, I can say that I’m so much better than I was last year, the year before that and the year before that and I’ll be the best thing to happen to some lucky guy!! :-)

What I think is most significant about my desire to remarry at some point is that I didn't allow for a very negative experience and spiteful people to keep me from experiencing something honest and special down the line.  It’s not easy to move past disappointment or to get involved in a situation that was previously hurtful, but I’ve learned that I get to dictate my blessings and experiences, not someone else, and certainly not someone that I consciously made the decision to no longer share my life with.  Of course, past experiences are excellent resources for lessons learned and while I will remarry, this won’t be the same marriage (obviously, unless I want the same divorce…I think not)!! This final go around I will do my best to partner with someone who can keep up with me or even outpace my ambition, energy, drive, intelligence, courage, and curiosity and motivate me beyond measure…this will be my something new. And I’ll be sure that although I’m way better than I was the first go around, that I don’t lose myself. That I don’t totally compromise my personality and my character to accommodate someone who is just not at the same place (and never will be) that I’m at or who is not secure enough in themselves to allow me to be who I am.  I’ll continue to be the passionate, protective, loyal, fun, rebellious (in a good way) and optimistic woman that I am.  This will be my something old.  And I will be sure to find someone who’s style and confidence is so on point so much so that I fall in love over again, every time I see him.  A real man’s man that can handle business, protect me and stand up for me and what we believe in and who can hold it down and doesn’t constantly need his hand held and everything fed to him.  That will be my something blue.  

Dress: Banana Republic Monogram; Wedges: Not Too Coy; Bag: Marc by Marc Jacobs;  Necklace: Forever 21; Belt: Marshall's find (old); Spike Bracelet: BCBGeneration; Diamond Watch: Aqua Master


It's always a balancing act....

9 comments:

  1. Cute Dress :)

    XoXo,
    Ashley
    ASassyWoman.Com

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  2. It's so refreshing when you hear from woman who learn from things but don't hold on to resentment. I think it's great that you want to remarry one day! I had a tough couple of relationships before I met my husband but I'm glad I went into my marriage with an open mind and spirit. It's worked out fabulously too if I may say so. Great post!

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  3. Great great post!!!!!!
    i can relate in more ways than one and I appreciate your honesty and your view as well as sharing your story... uplifted my day!
    also, great outfit! and love the shoes

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  4. Such a cute dress!!


    Carsedra of:

    http://www.embracingtherealme.com/

    http://sweets4yourtooth.blogspot.com/

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  5. Thank you for your sharing your story! I am truly inspired.

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  6. Great post!

    I think so many times we let past experiences dictate our view of the future. We should definitely learn from the past but every experience is different.

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  7. Thank you guys so much for your support and feedback! I'm glad you guys enjoyed it and can relate. It makes it that much easier for me to be more candid with you guys about some of my personal challenges. I like to think that God allows for certain experiences and obstacles to play out in a certain way, not because he can't fix it or stop it, and not b/c He wants to see us suffer or struggle, but b/c it truly builds character and allows for us to pass on encouragement and support to the next person who may be going through a tough time. That's why I share...it's therapeutic for me and encouraging for those going through. :-)

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  8. This spoke to me in more ways than one...I just recently got divorced from my college sweetheart (aka 1st real boyfriend, had a crush on him since 9th grade type sweetheart). I just want to thank you for helping me view the future differently. Thank you for sharing this tid bit of your life/perspective with your readers. This reader definitely appreciated it.

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    Replies
    1. You are more than welcomed Honeey! I'm glad you found the post helpful and I know you will be ok! It gets greater later! :-)

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